MERRY CHRISTMAS

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.


"Why can't we just get together, sing some carols, talk about the birth of Santa and get the hell outta here?"
- Brendon (My younger brother) at the Candle Light Service at our Church
"Wow. I'm surprised you didn't just burst into flames for that one..."
- Me in response
"I think it should be noted that I'm also wearing my Misfits World Tour T-shirt under my dress-shirt. Yeah, put THAT in your journal..."
- My brother in response to my response

You can wash your face in my sink!

So, yeah... After ten years in the food service, witnessing everything from theft, open wounds and the classic "Top Shelf", I got my first chemical burn. Yeah, like... Fuck. It was so weird. I was changing the Escort (concentrated Chlorine) for the dish sanitizer and some of it splashed onto my arms, forehead, and all over my shirt. At first I didn't know what was happening but I let a whooping "FUCK!" and started running water all over myself. That didn't help and I was flaking out so I started using a green scrubbing pad on my bare flesh. Nice. Real Nice. Now, I want to be clear that this was not a huge issue. I'm not covered in burns and none of my skin melted off, but it did hurt like an MF. What's weird in my own head is that this was the first time in 10 years that this sort of thing has ever happened to me. (sigh)

I'm getting psyched for New Years. I've been reading "Kitchen Confidential" again and sifting through all my old issues of Gourmet magazine in the hopes that I'll come up with a kick-assed menu for all to envy and the Archives to glory. Basically, my plan is to do a 5-course\in your face\culinary-free-4-all! I'm realizing, for the first time, that the reality of the "chef" is not that shit you see on TV. I'm talking about Foul-mouthed, big-nuts, creative geniuses... People who push the limits by using odd flavor combinations and unique food concepts to create the ultimate in cuisine triumphs. I'm going "big" here, not for the attention, but to give a few people the experience of a lifetime. Why not? New Years comes but once a year and you need to make the most of it.

"You say I can't put Tomatoes in a dessert? Tomato is a fucking fruit! They're lucky I'm not using Sweet Crab meat!"
- Pastry Chef Sam Mason
"Just pile it high, slip off the collar, stack your vegetable, deposit your chicken on top of that, and you're half way to making that fuzzy little Emeril your Bitch..."
Anthony Bourdain
"...Your body is NOT a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride."
Anthony Bourdain, on eating anything you like

HOW YOU MONEY MAKE?

You know, I saw something from within last night. Sometimes people say they're doing a soul-search and they don't get very far, even if they're lying to them selves that they're making some sort of progress...

Last night I was laying in bed with my cat (Mario Duvell Mallo) and I was hit by a flood of memories. I was dead tired when I went to bed, but I was suddenly wide awake thinking of all these mistakes from my past and all the flaws in my character. I don't know how I managed to fall asleep, but I eventually drifted off...

Some people like me, many don't. Why? Because I say things like: "The homeless? Fuck 'em! Give them neck-ties and let 'em work for a living..."

I joke quite a bit, and my sense of humor is warped and dark. In the end, that's why I'm single. Not so much because of my sense of humor, but my die-hard stance on NOT-CHANGING. Dennis Miller once made the brilliant observation that the joke-world is tough - "wear a cup..."


I had dinner tonight with the Baxter's and one of their friends. Her name is Cheyenne? Cayenne? Picanti? I dunno, she was cute and said she liked Jackass so I was able to tolerate her for the evening. And in a weird turn of events, I didn't talk once of being single or getting dumped tonight, but there was a nice long discussion about this guest-woman's ex-boyfriend. It was nice to be on the other side of the table on this one.


5 Songs for the Guest-woman who's name I can't remember
Tom Jones - She's a Lady
Bob Segar - Her Strut
Daft Punk - Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger
Destiny's Child vs Nirvana - Smells Like Booty (Freelance Herbaliser)
Old Dirty Bastard - Baby I Got Your Money

Just remember... If you stop reading my Journal, the Terrorist's win.

Well, I took a test linked from Kristy's website and wouldn't you know it- I'm Evil.

Yup. And if any of you take this little quiz, just know that I answered one of the questions with the "I kick puppies" answer.


The week has already drained me. I spent Saturday with my Brother shopping for Christmas, and that was an adventure onto itself. At least I got Cinnabon out of it, right? Actually, it was a great day. Although I didn't make it all the way to Ann Arbor, I got out for a day. My brother and I ended up at the Andersons (where he work's) to find a Christmas Tree and I ran into one of my former regulars from Cosmo's, Norm, and a Grill regular named Paul.

I spent Sunday at my mom's decorating the Tree. (Now you know why I'm drained already...) We had dinner and watched Christmas Vacation. I love that movie. It was decided that my brother will eventually clean up his act and become Clark Griswald, while I will slink further into the depths of my own ego, marry an unreasonable and bitchy woman, and become the Next-Door Neighbor - Todd. Either that or I'll fill into the Uncle Lewis character. Either one works for me.

I saw the new SpiderMan preview last night and it rocked my little world. Alfred Molina looks amazing as Doctor Octopus. None of that goofy bowl-haircut shit! It's funny on Ralph Wiggum, but not on a notorious super-villian...

I also saw the "Hellboy" preview a few weeks back. Is it me, or is David Hyde Pierce in it? (His voice at least...)

Five Songs for a Snow Melting\Cheesecake Baking Evening
Jet - Are you gonna be my girl?
Whale - Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe
Beastie Boys & Mixmaster Mike - 3 MC's and 1 DJ
Rob Zombie - Brick House 2003
Mike Pop Trio - 50,000 Watts of Funkin'


"...If I woke up with my HEAD stapled to the carpet, I couldn't be any more surprised..."
- Clark Griswald (Christmas Vacation)

Ah yes, December 8'th... Although a tad late, I'm sure we all remember December 8'th as the day John Lennon had his last hit - The Pavement.

Believe it or not, I can actually hear all of you booing me for that remark. Too bad I don't care, huh?


The week is going by quickly, which is good messa thinks. My brother and I are making an Ann Arbor run Saturday and I'm psyched about that. Oh, and get this - apparently there is a Cigar Shop that has opened here in BG. Yeah! Small little joint over by the dairy mart with Leather couches and all that. Crazy!

And congrats to Joyce from Pragmatic Dreamer for taking up Bowling. But bowling is nothing unless you've seen The Big Lebowski. If you haven't seen it yet, you aren't allowed to go bowling again until you do. Sorry, it's a rule...



"Eh... Fuck it Dude... Let's go Bowling..." - Walter Sobchek (The Big Lebowski)

On to other matters, Jeb and I went to Toledo the other day. Standard Franklin Park run, you know... I find it amusing that Ferggi (The Dutchess of York) now owns the Franklin Park mall. Buy all the Real Estate you want, hon... You're still the English equivalent of Kid Rock.

After hitting the mall, Barnes & Nobel, and circuit City (GEAR LUST!!!) we met Kristin and had dinner at Rudy's. Rudy's Hot Dogs is to Fast Food, what Cosmo's is to Coffee. Seriously! The three of us go in there, order and the girl is a bitchy basket case, then the go and turn off all the lights while we're eating to signify that they were closing... Closing at 7:45 PM. Hey, cool with me. Karma coming back around, you know?

Oh, and I ment to mention this last week... Did anyone see Law & Order:SVU last Tuesday? Let me fill you in... The story centered around a guy who escaped from prison named Michael BAXTER. It is later revealed that the guy escaped with the help of a prison guard named EDWARDS. The final blow to the coincidental cranium was when Det. Olivia Benson calls another Detective named JAY for help doing a canvas\sweep. Just something amusing which proves that my addiction for all things L&O is just fine in the eyes of God.

"Love... A devastating disease instantly curable by Marriage..."
- Jerry Orbach as Det. Lenny Briscoe (L&O)

Okay, kids... Today's Homework is to find a copy of the song "Good Girls Don't" by the Knack and then write me an E-mail telling me how abso-F'King-lutely cool it is.

I was sifting through the stacks earlier and found my copy of Get The Knack and had to pull that one out. Probably one of the coolest songs ever for lyrical reasons which I won't get into here. Just go find the song and thank me with love and praises.

Also, I went to MadHatter today to talk to Jim about finding a copy of the Kill Bill Vol. 1 soundtrack on Vinyl, when just outta nowhere I find a copy of Boz Scaggs "HITS!" for three bucks. Yay for cheesy funk! I love his song "Lowdown".

Yesterday was another of many tight days. I had coffee with Nicole at 5:30, then went to Trotters with Trisha at 6:15, only to get back in time to meet Steve for another round of coffee at 9:00. I stayed up WAY too late last night too. Like 3:15 in the morning... I watched SNL (which sucked for the most part) and realized I REALLY hate it when they put politicians on that show. Like Steve Forbes? wahthafuh? And Al Gore too... So stiff and un-funny. On the other hand, Rudy Gulianni was the bomb when he was on. But he's goofy anyways...

I wound up watching G.I. Jane on TNT at like 1:00AM and was really into it. Then again, it is a Ridley Scott film. He doesn't dick around when he makes a movie. Blade Runner? F-Amazing! Alien? No Doubt! Yeah, you know it...

Today though, I didn't wake up till ten after twelve which means I'll be up late and will drag ass tomorrow at work. DAMMIT!

"Scott's in the Belltower!
Jay's in the Kitchen!
Ya better watch out or YOU'LL go missin'!"
- Steve @ GFT

Kwanza Bot: Yo Bender! The Hanukkah Zombie is having a luau over at his place, you down?
Bender: Word...

We got our first taste of the winter here in Scenic NW Ohio... I admit, I was kind of looking forward to it. Being that it was the first snow, it looks nice. Sure - It's cold, wet, and bitter out, but everything is covered in a nice blanket of white. I like that. It's that time BEFORE everything gets to be ugly shades of brown and gray and crusted with an impenetrable coating of road salt.

So to take advantage of this, I bundled up and trekked outside. My plan was to act like a jackass in the snow while listening to Iggy Pop's classic "Lust for Life", but I picked up the wrong Mini-Disc and was too lazy to go back inside to find the right one.

What actually happened was me staring up into the evening sky, listening to "Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procal Harum, and feeling an overwhelming sense of loss - which dates back to events from 1994.

No, I'm not going to get into it.

I had a full night planned yesterday, but everything kind of went wacky on me. Stephanie (Who used to work at Cosmo's with me) was supposed to come up to see a band at Howard's but wasn't able. Jeb was supposed to come over and work on some music, but fell ill. Then Trisha called me, straight outta the blue. After that, I ordered Spot's for dinner, and Baxter and I went out to Beckket's for Scotch, Cigars, and a few games of Pool. The BGSU games was on, and F-them for losing to (scoff) Miami... Gus (A Corner Grill regular) was working and was really cool with us about the smoking.

Today was kind of crazy at work, but I danced for Jake, baked a mayo cake, and revealed to Linda that I have a "short fuse" when I don't drink enough coffee.

After work, I waited for the Time Warner people to come and check out my cable modem but they never showed up. I then had my moment of Zen in the snow, and then made meatloaf for dinner. Billy sat and played his guitar to one of my DJ mixes (he played over "Fascination Street" by the Cure, and "Angel" by Massive Attack) and we talked about ambiance in music and history.

Five Songs for a Restless Evening
Nightmares on Wax - Know my name
MamaDo & She - I'm Your Wild Thang
Iggy Pop - Lust for Life (Live 1977)
Eydie Gorme - Blame it on the Bossa Nova
Public Enemy - Sophisticated Bitch

Lisa Simpson: Why does Jesus have a lasso?
Homer Simpson 'Cuz he's allllll man...

Ah, the Thanksgiving weekend-rush has come and gone. Crazy people out in force trying to grab some material item to complete their quest for good deals.

And my brother and I were in the thick of it...

People are stupid on the day after Thanksgiving. It's like their brains have a pause button or something? You know? Anyways, my brother and I went out, did a little shopping, and saw Bad Santa. That movie is freeking hilarious, and extraordinarily crass. SO much swearing, but so damned funny. Midgets who swear a lot are always funny though, no questions asked.

Skip forward to tonight...

I went to Panera for a cup of coffee and to flip through the latest issue of Gourmet. I was listening to a mix (mini-disc) I had made and Paul Oakenfold's "Aternal\Zoo York" came up. I'm always disappointed in my music when I hear this song. It's amazing in all of it's qualities be it ambiance, beats, scratching or FX, or the crown-jewel: It's string arrangements. I love electronic music with any type of string accompaniments, and this song is as close to perfection as it can get. Which brings me back to my being disappointed in my music. I wish, oh-I-wish, that I had a better command of arranging and writing for Violins, Cellos, Violas and the such. I'm a drummer at the core, and a DJ to boot. Not even close, you know? I have a fairly good grip on Theory, Progressions, Melody and all that, but I'm still no good at writing anything with string samples. Blah!

On the other hand, I am super-impressed with the stuff Jeb and I have pulled off. Time and practice will tell with that though...

Till later kids... Light a Jesus Candle, drink some whiskey, and just chill...