HAHAHAHA Losers!!!

I just got back from Mad Hatter and managed to snag 27 Dean Martin records for 25 cents a piece! You da man Jim!!!

Yeah! HAHAHAHA!!!

As I look back on the previous year, I admit I have a lot to be thankful for...

Friends, Family, Work, Music, Life...

I bitch a lot about the stupidity all around me, and I'm thankful one of those idiots hasn't taken me down in a random act of frivolity.

I'm thankful for everything that has come to pass in my life. Things to enjoy like listening to and creating electronic music, or simple things like The Simpsons and Law & Order having such a good long run.

But those are stupid things. Things that make life bearable, but are ultimately not important. I thank God for the few talents I have in cooking and the production of sounds... I'm thankful for still having my mom, brother and Grandmother alive and a part of my life. I'm thankful for friends -old and new- no matter where they are... I'm thankful for the life God has given me...

Mostly though, I'm thankful for my next quote-of-the-day:

"Oh yeah! I said the word JOCKEY!"
- Jeb

DUDE,
MEET ME IN MONTANTA!
XOXOX
Jesus (H. Christ)

You know, I'm now in the Christmas mood. It started the other day when Baxter, Patrick and I went up to Franklin Park (Or whatever the F they call it now...) and I actually found two gifts for my mom. I usually have the hardest time shopping for her, but I just lucked out. And, and this is especially important, neither of the two gifts I bought her will unexpectedly die two days before Christmas prompting me to initiate dialogue with Ticketmaster...

In the Holiday spirit, I'm making a Christmas mix of music I'm recording. There will only be three or four songs, but hey... The one song I have finished is a breakbeat remix of Linus & Lucy. I'm really into that song (I always have been for this weird reason that includes Rochester New York and this nice little Italian restaurant...) and mix turned out mighty nice. I also sequenced a version of Canon in D but that needs sleigh bells in the background to be "finished". I also tracked "Carol of the Bells" but I think I'll lock that one away because, well, how do you top TransSiberian's version, Sarajevo? The one song I look forward to finishing is a ambient Bowie-esque version of Silent Night... Lots of warm ambiance, panning and spacey sounds. BUT! I need to add vocals and I just can't do that on my own. I'm thinking that I'll need Baxter and Jeb in on that one.

Speaking of Jeb... Apparently he thinks I'll be stressed all week. No Jeb, I won't be stressed all week. I WILL be stressed, however, on the latter part of Thursday and all of Friday. (The comedown...) But I gotta hand it to ya bro. You called it!

"May God have mercy on you Gas-sniffin' Orphan beatin' souls..."
- The Texan (From the Simpsons)
"Christ be with you!"
- Homer in Response

Overall?

Overall things are okay, you know?

Next week, on Tuesday, 9.45FM will be broadcasting live from The Grill. I'm hoping to make a jackass of myself on the air, but we'll have to see about that.

Christmas is coming, apparently, and nothing says "BIRTH OF OUR SAVIOR" like consumerism run amok. Most stores have been in full selling mode since before Halloween, but then again... Christmas is that magical once-a-year event where my mom complains about me not being married and not giving her any grandkids, and where my brother gets all liquored up, gets out his double barrel shot-gun, and gets up on the roof waiting for "that fat fuck and 8 trophy heads"...

I miss being a kid. Everything was photo-esque like the holiday special's on TV. Now? Well, now my family has gone crazy. All of 'em... Me? Yeah... Me too probably, but thats because of some of the choice women I've chosen to date in my short time on this rock. (sigh) Just like Chris Rock said: I told ya that bitch was crazy! I need to find a not-crazy woman, and everyone has a solution... Jake wants me to date Nikki, Jeb wants me to date Anne, Billy wants me to go to Amsterdam and get a hooker, and I -basically- just don't want to have to buy a Christmas gift for anyone.

Yup. Life is so strange, to quote the song. Billy and I had dinner tonight at Cohen and Cook and he made a brilliant observation. He said: You know, when it's dry it's a desert but when it rains it fuckin' pours, you know?
I do know. It's been that way for me since the summer of '87. Up's and downs, strikes and gutters.

On the up-side, at least I'm a hero again today, I mean, what... with me Not Dieing and all. Apparently, all you have to do to be a hero is lay around and just not die. Yay for you Ms Lynch!

"You were just back there dancin', weren't you?"
- Linda to me
"........Yeah..."
- Me to Linda

SVEN! This is SHIT!!!
- Lewis Black

You know, I live pretty close to Davis Besse Nuclear Power Plant. I live as close as everyone else I guess, minus Edwards and Troy... Look, here's the deal: I'm not some whinny-liberal-hackey-sack-kickin'-fuck, but this is just plain ridiculous. That place is about as safe as a drunk Stevie Wonder in a Hummer, and no one on the inside give two shits. The NRC (in a truely government fashion) can't seem to figure out anything but they sure is workin' on it Jethro! and FirstEnergy in all their money-grubbing glory swear up and down that there was nothing wrong with that cracked head on the Reactor. You know, that's the kind of thing I would expect in the plot from a John Grisham-based movie. Not in real life!

You know, I was pretty young but I remember Three Mile Island "happening" but didn't realize what it was all about until 1986 when Chernobyl went up. Real nice. Way to read the spec's Comrades...

This is all getting to be too much. You can't go anywhere civilized, pretty much, without being close to a nuke plant - so fine. But if you geniuses are going to keep running these places, at the very least make it safe enough so that I don't have to decide between saving my computer, my cat or my Mom. Okay? Yes yes yes... You have a profits to protect and there are real people with jobs at those plants and blah-bit-tee-fuckin'-BLAH! Just get your shit together or get a job at BK where you and all the other slackers can be trusted not to hurt hundreds of thousands of people. Sheesh!

Then again... What's the count with Chi-Chi's right now?

"Hey Mom! Our CrapShack is going to HELL!"
- Bart Simpson

I was at work today when the song "The Night the lights went out in Georgia" came on. I was suddenly engulfed in a Reservoir Dogs moment. I was dicing green peppers and laughing as I recalled the opening dialogue of RD where Chris Penn admits he didn't know that the singer of the song was the one who shot "Andy". For those of you who have never seen Reservoir Dogs, for shame. On the other hand... If you're squeamish, it's not a such a great idea to run out and grab this one at the local video store. No matter how many times I see it, I always tighten up when Michael Madson (as the classic Mr. Blonde) cuts off the cops ear. (Note: There are deleted scenes on the DVD where they show different angles of that shot. Gruesome...)

I had another movie moment at work today when "Jump into the Fire" by Nilsson came on. Now, let me tell you this: Goodfellas is my absolute favorite movie of all time. I saw it for the first time at a friend's birthday party when I was 15. I had started watching it accidentally and couldn't be pulled away. Everyone was outside on a nice summer day except me, for the first time ever drawn into a drama. But what could you expect? It IS a Scorsesi flick. And let me tell you, it's the most stunning film visually, plot wise, and musically. There is a scene near the end of the film where the main character, Henry Hill, is driving around the city of New York and there is all this different music mashing together for the different scenes. One of those songs was "Jump into the fire" and the other, another amazing song, "What is life?" by George Harrison.
I'm not a fan of trumped up Mafia movie. I hate The Godfather and the Sopranos has never interested me. But Goodfellas is a true to life interpretation of the seedy underside of organized crime. It left me exhausted the first time I saw it.

I had a dream last night about a lot of people from the past. Names that won't matter to most of you, but the likes of Mike Garcia (whom we called Guybrush), Troy, Nikki Bowen, Randy Brown, and the most unsettling: Ellen Schwanbeck. She, I honestly believe, was the first woman I ever had feelings for. So weird too, because I was a complete jackass in her presence - constantly over compensating for myself with big words and lots of flash and always looking around like I didn't really want to be around her when, ironically, that's all I've ever wanted.

Someday I'm going to write a book and I'm going to dictate all the things that happened in the last two years of my HS career. From the moment I got my first car, to the moment I walked out of the graduation ceremony... As for now, I'm going to go upstairs and have a shot of scotch before bed. Man, I really need an Ann Arbor run...

"you can climb a mountain...
you can swim the sea...
you can JUMP INTO THE FIRE...
but you'll never be free..."
- Nilsson

"Hey, looks like someone took a shit on your head!"
- Linda to a customer for wearing a Michigan hat
"That boy needs therapy..."
- the Avalanches
"Here comes my baby, walking with a love that's oh so fine, never to be mine, no matter how hard I try..."
- The Tremeloes
"Jay! Drop the Bronze and go for the Gold..."
- Jeb to me on dating one of his co-workers

"A little less conversation and a little more 'action' please..."
- Elvis

I just spent the evening with Jeb and Harr. We got together for what was supposed to be an Angola Speedway practice session and wouldn't you know it? We've decided to be our own band. Jeb came up with the idea of calling our new-found trio J. Walker as an homage to Johnny Walker scotch whiskey, but J. Walker sounds too much like a misdemeanor and not a whiskey. I came up with another name:

Blue Label

Johnny Walker makes a damned fine scotch. They start with the Red Label, move up to Black, then to Green. After the Green Label (a 15 year old treat, I might add...) there is the Gold label and finally Blue Label. Blue Label is rare and expensive. A single bottle goes for $207.00 (U.S.) and it's well worth it.

I probably shouldn't drone on about all the different bands I'm now in. Not in so many consecutive posts anyways...

Today I took one of my cheesecakes to work for Nikki. I made a nice Strawberry Coulis to go with it (made with Bacardi) and boxed it up all nice like. I was a little apprehensive about giving it away as I felt it wasn't perfect. (sigh) Cheesecakes are serious business for me.

Work was kind of dead today, but we had Goulosh as our special and it F-ing great. After work, I came home and the got together with Jebby and Harr. We drank a lot of Walker-Red and tried to see how many F-bombs we could drop in the course of one evening. I did well at that game, needless to say...

Everyone keep Edwards in your thoughts and prayers as this week has been a bit trying for him. Check his blog for more details... I have to go now. My cat is getting finniky and wants attention.

"Judging by what you said of her oral-skill, I'd have to guess she's cold and fridgid down there anyways..."
- Jeb
"She'll never get in!"
- Harr on getting into Vet School
"No, she'll just sleep her way in..."
- Jeb in response
"Just give her a pat on the ass and get yourself over here, okay?"
- Me to Jeb on making time for his wife and making time for the band

Jeb said:
should my blog be a bitter rant on how i'm constantly being screwed by everyone and everything, hopefully to realize that i'm a bitter and spiteful person who's real problem is myself?

Jay said:
I'm not bitter and spiteful, I'm just a pragmatist. Oh wait, yeah... I am bitter and spiteful. Well played, clerks...

Wow. Jeb actually updated his blog.

You know Jeb, you're the only person I know who can start a story in September and not finish it till November. Kudos buddy, Kudos...


"I'm going to get you a Gerbil for Christmas..."
- Jeb to Kristen

PS - Did anybody else notice that "blog" doesn't come up as a word in the Blogger Spellcheck?

WE WANT 'FUN' AND WE WANNA GET WASTED!!!!
- Andrew WK

Today, kids, was the first assembling and practice session of the new band Angola Speedway.

Yeah, you heard me... I'm in yet ANOTHER band.

Let's see, there's me as DJ Quimby for starters. (Incidentally, DJ Quimby has nothing to do with being a "dj" per say. You should know the reference though and shame on you if you don't.) DJ Quimby leads into my collaborations with Jeb under the name Saint vs Sinner, and SvsS leads into Jeb, Myself, Harr, Baxter and Steve as Angola Speedway. These are the officially "started" bands that have produced some sort of results in one form or another. There are also projects yet to be explored like my cover of ODB's "Baby I Got Your Money" that I want to do with Kristy & Tom and Jeb, plus an acoustic version of Johnny Nash's "Hold Me Tight" that I threw out as an idea to Baxter.

My basement is littered with gear right now. Three big speakers that say "MARSHALL" on them (tee hee hee! Edwards man, job's goin' great!), gear by KORG, plus my own array of interesting shit including Turntables and computers that make cool sounds. Also, I love playing my Udu drum... (http://www.grothmusic.com/cgi-local/SoftCart.exe/online-store/scstore/p-LPM1400.html?E+scstore)

I'm hoping to get ProTools figured out soon so as to record the Speedway in all it's glory. I already have a few tracks of my own done, plus Jeb and I have started on a few ideas, plus we have a few tracks finished or within reach of being finished but just waiting for a final mixing.

Me as DJ-Q is straight electronic. (Turntables, D'n'B, Techno, and Trip Hop)
Jeb and I as SvsS is basically Emo-Electronic, that is, dance music for people who hate dance music.
Angola Speedway is different on a whole "other" level. I'm not even going to try to describe it yet, but it's cool. Very chill but... you know... Not.

"You know, when you say you're a "doctor" you need to actually look like one..."
- Harr
"Okay, you guys understand that I don't STAR in the porno's, I just direct them..."
- Harr
"I would have to have a migrain or be sick for me to get pissed, but then EVERYONE suffers. Kind of like Allan Greenspan..."
- Baxter
"I'm NOT going to start drinking at... fucking... 3:00 in the afternoon!!!"
- Harr, right before AS started practice
"Mr. Anderson..."
- Agent Smith (Matrix Revolutions)
"Jay... Look, think Portishead..."
Jeb to me on DJ'ing for AS

Aww, HELL no...

Let me tell you why I hate Ticketmaster...

It all started last month when I bought my Mom two tickets to go see the Righteous Brothers at the Strannahan. Simple enough - I go online, whip out the card and wah-la! Two tickets. Well, first off they didn't arrive in time for her Birthday. I was busy with Jeb's wedding at the time so I didn't really keep any tabs on the situation. Well, two weeks after my Mom's birthday, she sheepishly mentions that she didn't get the tickets but didn't want to bother me with the whole thing. Now I'm super-pissed... I call ticketmaster and they give me all sorts of excuses including -but not limited to- the address of delivery not matching the address on my credit card and no one being home at mom's to accept the delivery.

(sigh) Okay, fine... I sort it all out.

Well, another week has gone by and still no tickets. I call TM again and raise hell. I wind up going to Kroger to pick up the tickets, and I'm so mad I'm starting to twitch.

Two days later two tickets for the show come to MY house. Hmmm... Okay, 2 +2 = 4!!! I make random threats against humanity and call TM to sort this out. Since it's assigned seating, I couldn't just go and hand someone the tickets and blend into the standing crowd so two tickets are bunkka and two are golden. Well, the next day -you'll love this, this is great!- TWO MORE TICKETS GET DELIVERED TO ME!!!!

At this point, I'm turning into Denis Leary from the movie "Who's the Man?". I was spurting out profanities and stuttering and my face was all red. I think I was spitting and foaming, but I'm not totally sure.

Skip ahead, now, to today. I get up for work at 7:30am only to find out that one of those little fuckers from the righteous Brothers up and died yesterday. And I thought to myself, this is going to be one of "those" days. All day at work I was dreading what I knew I was going to have to do when I got home: Call Ticketmaster...

2:45pm - I call Ticketmaster.
3:35pm - I get off the phone with Ticketmaster.

50 minutes Jay? Whatever could you have been talking about for so long?

Well, I'm glad ya asked! See, there was probably only 20 minutes or so of actual verbal exchange between myself and a customer service rep. The rest of the time I was on hold or pushing buttons for an "automated response". Finally, after being on hold forever, I was connected to a complete and total Social Infant. Someone who had NO idea of anything that was going on in the world, whatsoever...


CustSerRep: Thank you for calling Ticketmaster, how may I help you?
Jay: Yes, I'd like to inquire about a refund on tickets for an event that's been cancelled...
CSR: Okay then, what city, state and event are you calling about?
Jay: The Righteous Brothers in Toledo, Ohio...
CSR: Okay... uh... WHERE in Ohio?
Jay: Toledo...
CSR: Mmm Hmm... Uh... Okay, "what" Brothers? Is this is a rock concert or a theater production?
Jay: The... The RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS! The "Unchained Melody" guys?
CSR: Umm, Right...
(Pause)
Jay: Hello?
CSR: Yes, I see one event for the Strannahan Theater in Toledo for Friday the 7'th. Is that it?
Jay: (sigh) Uh huh...
CSR: And you would like a refund or would you like to wait and see if the show is rescheduled?
Jay: Rescheduled? The fuckin' guy is DEAD! I mean, c'mon... This isn't WHAM! we're talking about...
CSR: Who?


Okay, it just kept going, but that was the "Jay goes 'Temporary Insanity Plea' and murders puppies and ice-cream-men" part. But there is more. For me to get a refund, I have to photocopy the tickets with the word "CANCELLED" written on them. Then I have to mail that and a piece of paper with my name, address, phone number, and confirmation number to Virginia Beach somewhere. I then wait for Ticketmaster to call me and confirm my info. THEN I wait 7-10 business days to get my refund.

So I need to lay down now and think happy thoughts. The doctors all say it helps...

IMPORTANT

For anyone who reads this journal, I thank you. You are the reason I ramble on. I used to say "fuck" a lot and was much sharper and bitter with my wit, but I have mellowed out a lot in the past year.

But...

Never forget that I am mean and evil. Yeah, I said it. I'm a bitter little man who has an opinion about everything.

So... I leave you all with this: http://www.illwillpress.com/rant.html
(This link is VERY important and I expect you all to watch the animation all the way through. There will be a quiz on Friday...)

That is all...

"Give me a moment... GIVE ME A MOMENT!!!
- The Misfits

Alright, before I get started I'd like to point out that I heard two of the coolest songs ever today. First, Vehicle by the Ides of March. I played this my freshman year in HS in the marching band (drummer) and I always had a copy of it on cassette in my old car, "the Bucket"... Secondly, though, I was treated to audio bliss when I heard Soulfinger by the Bar Kay's! This is one of those goofy songs you can't help but dance to, and if you've ever seen the movie Spies like us it's even better....

Now, and I would like to re-enforce that I'm not making up what you are about to read, here's a little of my "dark" humor pouring out. I'm going to type out an obituary from the Toledo Blade that was printed last Friday. Again, I am NOT making this up...

'Disco Ernie' Nasser
AP
TERRE HAUTE, Ind. - Ernest 'Disco Ernie' Nasser, a dancer who was a longtime fixture in Terre Haute nightclubs and discos, died Sunday of pneumonia. He was 89.
A retired businessman, Mr. Nasser danced almost nightly at Terre Haute's nightclubs and discos for years after his retirement. At age 62, he caught the stripping bug when he got to fill in for an injured Chippendales exotic dancer at a Terre Haute nightclub. He song began stripping at birthday parties and bachelorette parties.

Okay then...


"Your grandkids are so fucked..."
- from the blog "Driver Down"
(In fact, go read his entire post. It'll change your life: http://www.blindwino.com/driver.html)

"Catholic Girls are scary..."
- from Hudson Hawk

It's Sunday again, and as per usual I made my rounds. The morning started with a trip to Panera for coffee and a cinnamon roll, followed by an hour of work on music, the Mass at St. Al's (And no, I'm NOT catholic) then more work on music and a trip to IHOP with Kritsy. Now it's blog-time just before The Simpsons halloween episode...

As I said, the morning started with a trip to Panera. I sat with my coffee and listened to Paul Oakenfold's "Another World". Oaky is my inspiration for being a DJ, really. There are a few items which sent me into the realm of Electro-love, but Oakenfold is a genius and I love both his DJ sets and his own music. Critics love his sets but totally trashed his album "Bunkka" which I absolutely loved. I still think "Starry Eyed Surprise" is one of the most uplifting songs I've ever heard.

After Panera, I went home, changed clothes and headed up to St Al's. As I said, I'm not Catholic, but it's close to my house and the women there are mostly pretty hot. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I'm Lutheran. Basically it's "Catholic" without the cool necklace.

After church, Kristy and I went up to IHOP and had lunch. That was kind of comical, because Kristy asked for her order one way and when it came it was wrong. No biggie, just asked to have it fixed, well, the waitress took it back and we heard her yell out the correction to the plate followed by: "YEAH! SHE'S JUST PICKY!"

We laughed.

We probably should have been pissed, but it really was too funny and in the end, thats what we get for going to the International House of Pancakes and ordering something besides breakfast.

Musically, I hit a hot spot. I dunno, it just happened... I've been working on all these different songs with the same 4-note progression trying to figure out which one works. Well, when I was at work yesterday, I heard the song "Alone Again (Naturally)" by Gilbert O'Sullivan and it all came together. Maybe only in my own head, but at least I have it up there for now. Bascially, my idea will be to put down 4 tracks based on those simple 4 notes and weave them together like a little symphony. 3 tracks are original, while the fourth will be a cover of "Alone Again" (If I can pull the vocals together - I'm a shitty singer). This will all make more sense when it's done, trust me. For now, just know it's going to be "an introspection in 4 parts...."

I'm still in awe of the fact that Edwards was here. Just... Yeah! I mean, I was feeling pretty crappy when he called but when we started talking I felt good for some reason. It was just off-the-wall to hear him say he was just outside of Findlay and that he was dropping by. And then, there he was! Big bear hug and laughes at Cosmo's expense. I really miss him but I know San Diego is where he bleongs...

Also... I linked Petes site today, as I've been meaning to get around to it for a while now. So, here's the deal... No doubt, some of you will browse his photo album and stumble over Jeb and I doing the "thing" with the Hulk Hands. Bascially, I'm tired of explaining it and want to just say, flat out, that I'm a huge jackass - OKAY? Yes, I look like a fool and that's that! All I can say is that it was SEEMED real funny when we did it... Let it go people... :-D

PS- I'm also working on a Badfinger cover. See? I'm a total jackass...

"I like a good 'throwback' to the old days too, but you don't see me going around singing RICO SUAVE do you?"
Me to Kristy at the IHOP
"You can pull a nail out of the wall, but the whole is still gonna be there..."
Billy to Me on "friends"

Umm... Yeah, so... Look, Edwards was JUST standing in my living room. Like, just three minutes ago. Yeah! I know! Wow, it's just like Caperna said: The Good Lord will provide... Either that or he'll make ya suffer...

Suffering = Me having the Flu and not going to Wes Allen's halloween party.
Providing = Edwards showing up in my living room, in my house, in Ohio, when I felt the crappiest.

"Oh happy day..."
- Edwin Hawkins Singers