It's almost time for bed...

It's been a long day, it seems... I got up, went to work and had ideas for loops and sweeps in my head all morning.

Loops = a repeating sample, like a drum beat or a guitar riff, over and over.
Sweeps = A synth sound that climbs up and then down and up and then... You know, like in the song "Heart of Glass" by Blondie.

The oven at work is still broken so no baking has been done this week, although "Thursday" was officially started with me belting out "Ring of Fire"... Not that those two things are at all related.

When I got home, I baked Chocolate Chip Oatmeal cookies and made a meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Real mashed potatoes too... None of that instant crap.

Billy and I sat around after eating dinner and talked about the foul behavior of the Record Industry and listened to some Leonard Cohen. I love the song "hallelujah"...

I've spent a good hour working on a new song tonight. It's a "pretty" sounding kind of thing so I don't know how well that will fare with me, seeing as I just came off of my last song "Love Set Reconstruction" which was topped out at 160 BPM. (That's fast...)

But now it's almost time for bed, so I leave you with the obscure song of the week... This is a good one too, okay? Make sure you find a way to hear "She Said" by The Pharcyde. It was sampled by Portishead in the song "Only You" and is amazing in it's own right. I used to listen to it a lot when I worked at Cosmo's and it's just right for a little evening chill-out session.

"It's not just winning that counts, but making sure that everyone else loses..."
- Mark Abene (If you know who this is, good for you...)

Wow...

Why does this just look like a bad idea coming my way?

http://www.shotglasschess.com/customer/home.php

Timing and the Soundtrack of My Life...

Tonight, after I made my first post, I went to GFT to find Nicole and her new fling but they were nowhere to be seen.

So I went over to Panera. I had a cup of Ginger Peach Tea and sat down with my book "The Ambient Century". (Very good reading for people who are serious about music...) I had on my headphones and was listening to one of my legendary custom mixes... It started with To Nice's "2 Can Play The Game" followed by a song I've been going on and on about by Tomaysu Hotei called "War without the humility of Honor" and then "conquistadors" by Binary Star. As I sat with my tea reading about the likes of Vangelis and Coldcut, the song She's a Lady by Tom Jones came on. I was thinking of how I've been caught singing this song pretty loudly at the Grill. Linda just laughs, but anyways... As I sat there listening to Mr. Jones, I look up and who do I see walking towards me?

Yes!

The Panera Girl...

The music and her stride were too much for my feeble Conservative mind to handle. For once, I was the idiot with my mouth hanging open. As she strolled by, there was a wave and a quick "hi" and she was gone but... DAMN that was hot! Another moment that proves real-life needs background music...

"Who's makin' love to your Old Lady while you're out making love?"
- Johnny Taylor

I don't feel so good. I'm really tired and my stomach hurts. It might be cold, but it may also be nerves. More than likely it's the nerves acting up. Today, in fact, I felt pretty lousy while Linda and I were at Howards and I just put my head down in my arms on the Bar. It actually felt pretty good but it was that last 45 minutes of work. I had to push through...

Speaking of Linda, she's back from Texas. Yay! I really like my boss and I'm glad she made it back. Although, I had a great two weeks with Jake and Kelly, it was really good to have "Linder" back. And to top it all off, she brought me back a souvenir from Texas. I know that has to sound cheesy, but it was one of those little gestures that made me feel like a million dollars... I mean, I NEVER got that kind of feeling from my old boss. Hell, like my old boss ever DID anything like that for me. Amazing how little things like that make me NEVER want to let Linda down.

I just got off the phone with Edwards too. I was relieved to hear that he and his wife Tracey are okay. (The Edwards' live in beautiful sunny San Diego!) Apparently, everything from Mexico to LA is on fire, or hadn't you heard? All in all, it was good to hear his voice and know he's doin' alright. Job's goin' great man...

I had dinner last night with Kristy at El Zarrape and we talked for a while, and then we went back to her place and watched videos by Massive Attack and the movie Pooty Tang... It's a classic piece of shit, but it is a seriously funny movie.
Kristy and I had an interesting discussion about my life and I summarized my view-point for her, and it goes a little something like this:
This summer, I thought things were going to be completely different than they are right now. My summer started with plans for a trip to San Diego, participation is Jeb's and Baxter's wedding, and business as usual at Cosmo's. My summer went completely off track though...

I got fired from Cosmo's.
Then there was Baxter's wedding.
No trip to SD.
Crazy July storm which almost killed Billy and I.
I started working at the Grill.
Jeb's wedding...

Plus, there was a crazy EX-GF in there, and me developing feelings for another woman completely out of no where. Even those two things didn't go according to plan. I had everything built up in my own head as to how I wanted them to play out, and of course they didn't go at all as planned. My life has always been "kitchen work". Everything has a plan and goes according to process, and now I'm starting to see that nothing has gone according to plan since my dad passed away in 1987...

Not that this is all bad, mind you. Things are different, but not at all bad. I'm starting to live life and learn a few things, but it's all very frustrating. Frustrating in the sense that what you want isn't always what you get, and even though you get some things that you want - you don't always get them the way you want.

It's like Billy always says: It's not about getting what you want, but WANTING what you GET."

"Life is so strange..."
- Missing Persons
"I was pissed off that I didn't get any cake..."
- Pete
"Then I'd say: Butch up Nancy..."
- Jeb
"Damn Pooty, you da sexiest bastard on God's Green Earth..."
- Biggie Shorty to Pooty (From "Pooty Tang")
"Yeah..."
- Pooty's response to Biggie Shorty (From "Pooty Tang")

"Don't piss me off, Art..."
- Chevy Chase (Christmas Vacation)

I'm in a miserable mood right now. And, if you happen to have hit up this blog within the time of 6:30 and 8:00 you saw a much different post than the one that's here now.

I'm very tired, and I'm very edgy because of all the idiots in this town. Earlier I went to Panera only to find myself seated between a girl who was talking to herself and a family of twelve, all ranting in Spanish. After that I was on my way home and almost got run over by an RV coming around the corner when I had the walk-signal in my favor. So I gave him the finger and grabbed my junk.

I feel like yelling at someone. Like, just going Denis Leary on someone... Lot's of spurting bitterness and me saying "fuck" a lot. The problem is that I'm trying REALLY hard to purge that kind of stuff from my natural behavior. Now that I'm not at Cosmo's any more, I shouldn't feel the need to be this angry, but I guess I was angry long before I was working there and saw what I saw and heard what I heard. (sigh) The point is, I don't need this type of aggravation in my life. Why can't I just let go?

I just saw that episode of the Simpson's where Homer tries to suppress his anger and develops "anger boils", too. That's where I am.

I've been trying to expend a lot of energy too. I figure the more tired I am, the better I'll feel and it does work because I've accomplished a few things. I got the studio space in the basement cleaned up, I've been reading in my spare time, and I even caught Law & Order this week. By all accounts, things are going alright. Still, there is a lot on my mind.

Women.

Also, do you ever have one of those moments where you think you might have just caught yourself right before you were about to go Clinically Insane? I had one of those moments tonight when I found myself singing WITH Eydie Gorme to "Blame it on the Bossa Nova". Kind of like Chevy Chase in all the Vacation movies?

hallelujah!
Holy Shit!
Where's the Tylenol?


"You know, if Morticia really did have a pet Hand, you would have never seen her on that show..."
- Jake
"All I wanna do is eat my sandwich and smack Kelly on the ass..."
- Me
"It's 1:00 AM, let's go out to a rave..."
- BAD II
"I just felt like destroying something beautiful..."
- Fight Club
"So what if I cried for three days because I thought Peter Pan was actually ground up and put into the peanut butter?!!"
- SNL
"I just checked in, to see what condition my "condition" was in..."
- Kenny Rogers

WOW!

Joyce from Pragmatic Dreamer has shocked me again by posting poetry by Pablo Neruda. Impressive? F-yeah! In addition to one of THE greatest Simpsons references of all time...

Lisa:You know Bart, Pablo Neruda once said "laughter" is the language of the Soul...
Bart:I am FAMILIAR with the works of Pablo Neruda...

...I thought I was possibly the ONLY person who may have actually read his work. You GO! You're awesome!

***NOTE***
This post should be read while listening to "Taxi to Heaven" as performed by Pray for Rain from the "Sid & Nancy" motion picture soundtrack...
***END NOTE***

There are, and always have been, three types of women in my life at any given time. They are as follows:

The Reality
The Fantasy
The Alternative

The reality is simple. The "reality" is whatever you have. The problem with the reality is that a lot of times (not always) it's something you don't want or just plain can't have.
The fantasy, as it may be, is similar but on a very grandiose imaginary level. And usually, the "fantasy" is what makes you think you don't want the "reality", or as in my case, is basically a distraction.
The alternative is whatever else there is. Part reality, part fantasy, and maybe attainable.

Right now, I see all three. Three woman, all unique and with their positive qualities, and running through my thoughts at any given moment.

I'm not going to bore you with the details, as most of you know them already. What I WILL bore you with is me. Jeb said something kind of powerful to me a short while back, he said: "You won't find someone who likes you until you like yourself..."

(sigh) He's right, you know... When you strip away the turntables and the foul language, the chef-like qualities and the extensive knowledge of The Simpsons... What have you got? And yes, I know there are a few of you saying: BUT THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU, WELL, YOU!!! But, it's not... Not completely anyways. What about being trustworthy? Good natured? Dependable? Big Heart and a set of Steel nuts to match? The "other" things which I realized today... that... I lack.

Think about it.


"You know kids, I don't need an alibi because I'm the one calling the cops..."
- Jake
"He'd be so much more useful as an Organ Donor..."
- Tom
"What? Not with all of his organs crawling with Chlamydia..."
- Harr to Tom

Thank God for Coffee, Propellerhead Reason (2.0) and of course... Anthony Bourdain!

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20031017/ap_on_en_tv/people_bourdain

If you ever get the chance, read his book "Kitchen Confidential". It is literally one of the three best I've EVER read. Seriously.



GO NOW!

Sorry I've been so scarce, everyone, but I've been busy as all git-out... (Hick slang, you like that?)

Anyways... Stupid me, all this time not realizing that the Cubs were "jinxed". I thought they were losing because THEY SUCK...

I have so much to sort out right now, and I'm sorry I've been letting e-mails slide and not been around much, but life is heck-tick. I've been working with Jake all week as Linda is now in Texas and in my spare moments I've been sleeping and eating.

On the other hand...

I shall now gasp in awe... (GASP!) Kill Bill is fuck-amazing! That movie was everything it was supposed to be and then some. I was just in a daze as I walked out of the theater. (And, incidentally, I really wanna try that trick with the gun in the cereal box...) It really sucks that we have to wait for Vol. 2 until February, but such is the way of things... In the meantime, I guess we get Matrix Revolutions and Bad Santa but man-oh-man... I want a woman like Uma Thurman. Witty, Sexy, Jaded and does Kung Fu. Yeah, I know. Just go see the movie already, okay?

"Stylin' by the wayside, but I'll bet you didn't know that..."
- Saint vs Sinner
"That fossil was made of Dolomite... The Tough Black mineral that won't cop out when there's HEAT all about!"
- Prof. Hubert Farnsworth (Futurama)
"You and I know there's nothing funny about 'marriage'... It's all Pain and Responsibility..."
- Dave to Kenster (Corner Grill regulars)

"I look like I just did a Smurf..."
- Linda, My boss

You know, Thursdays are an interesting experience. Linda usually takes Thursdays off leaving me with Kelly and Theresa. Now Jake -the amazingly cool comic\artist who trained me- made it clear to me that Thursdays do not officially start until I show Kell my butt just as he would do when he had my position. LEt's not get crazy here, all I was supposed to do is stick my butt out at her - no pants dropping or anything creepy... But see, that's just not me. I'm sorry, I just don't have it in me. Of course, I am the guy who once did a psuedo-strip tease while dancing on the counter at Cosmo's. (Look, it was a long time ago and I was "in love"...) Anyways, I'm past most of that type of behavior, so I had to do something else to start Thursdays. I mean, it's a tradition! So, my solution was this... Every Thursday, at any random moment, I sing "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. Loud too... It's funnier than it sounds because A.) There are always people in the Grill who have NO fuckin' idea what I'm doing and B.) Because I'm always hidden away in the back area where I do my prep, so there is this singing coming out of nowhere.

LOVE! It's a Burning thing... And it makes... a Firey RING...

Yup. I love Thursdays. I love Fridays too, though. On Fridays I get to bake Cakes rather than pies. I'm not a huge fan of pie, although, Linda and I made Peanut Butter pie yesterday...

And good-news from my corner of the world: The guy I wrote about a few days ago -Paul- has made it through his surgery and it recovering. Of course, the next 48 hours are touchy and his status can change quickly but... you know... He made it...

Aside from that, it's all the usual stuff... Kinda... Linda left for Texas this morning so I'll be working more and going in earlier. Coffee... It really can be your best friend sometimes.

Five Songs For The First Shift:
Wilson Pickett - 634-5789
Carl Carlton - Everlasting Love
Tom Jones - It's not unusual
Isaac Hayes - Theme from "Shaft"
The Sonics - Have Love Will Travel
(Yes, these were all played on Oldies 93.5 yesterday...)

"I said 'Fuck' and I know I shouldn't have... but... you know... Fuck You..."
-JD

Thank You Jesus...

http://www.californians4captainmorgan.org/

It was one of those classic "good days" at work. I felt a little like the character Peter from the movie "Office Space". At the end he's working at a construction site and you see him very happy and doing something worthwhile. Worthwhile, even if only to him. Today I walked in, and was told to make pie dough. We make it in big batches so we have enough to make like 15 pies or so. It's one of those sloppy jobs where everything gets messy. I was ecstatic. I combined all the necessary ingredients and started mixing. And, by mixing I mean I dug my hands into the bowl and started squishing everything together. Like a 5 year old playing in the mud... But! The dough becomes heavy as the lard and flour come together so I was pulling and pushing and throwing this stuff all over the place. It was a bit of a workout. When I got home I felt so good about myself... I was covered in floury speckles from head to toe! My glasses had a slight film covering them, my flannel and jeans had dried goo everywhere, and my black Convers were coated with a mix of dough and smashed up potato droppings. I even had some dough in my hair, which seems odd because I wear a hat ALL day.

But, with the good comes the bad...

There is this guy who comes in every day named Paul. Paul's older, like in his 70's, and he has a few health problems. Recently he had a surgery on his heart and now he has to have another one to fix the way they originally sealed up the opening they made.
I feel bad for the guy 'cause he's getting on in years, but mostly because he's such a nice old guy. He at that stage in life where people have stopped saying: That's way too young to die... and have graduated to: HE had a good long run...
Every day, Linda and Paul go over to Howard's (The bar next to the Grill) and sit and smoke and take a few minutes to enjoy their present company. Today I went over and had a cup of coffee and sat next to Paul, who was next to Linda, who was next to JD (The manager of Howard's). Paul made some comment about changing his Living Will and JD said that it was all just formalities and that Paul would be back here next week all "well and recovered..." but Paul just stared off into space with his hands folded together just covering his mouth. It's unfortunate, but Paul knows something and Linda and JD don't get it. Or maybe they do, but as you get older you try more and more to "think positive". I'm still young. I still "think pragmatic"...

And even though my day was good, I managed to really get my hopes up because Jake was in and told me a girl was in looking for me Saturday. I immediately thought PSYCHO but he proceeded to describe her as: Short, dark hair, really cute, and wearing a BGSU sweatshirt. I suddenly was shaken. I thought of who it might be and my heart practically skipped a beat...

But...

Nicole was over tonight. We talked for a few minutes, and the nagging voice in the back of my head -Dr. Pragmatic himself- made me ask Nicole is she had been at the grill looking for me Saturday. Yup... She had, and in a BGSU sweatshirt to boot.

Nothing takes care of a little emotional letdown, though, like El Zarrape. Carne Asada steak and Fried Cheesecake. You see, Nicole and I are great friends, and I love her to pieces, but her and I are JUST friends. I think I'm going to make a shirt that just has her picture and the words NOT MY GIRLFRIEND on it. And in 15 years or so, I'll get another picture of her, much older, and make a new shirt that says NOT MY WIFE. Finally, when I die, she gets to wear a t-shirt to my funeral that says NOT THE WIDOW...

"Nobody with a good car needs to be justified..."
- Ministry

You know, I got a e-mail asking about "The Bucket". What is The Bucket? It's a piece of living history, that's what it is...

The story goes like this...

In 1987, Dodge and Mitsubishi made a mini-wagon and yours truely was the only loser in the world to own one. On the upside, I was basically the only one of almost all my firends who owned his own car.

Anyways, through the last half of my junior year in High School and all of my senior year, me and my friends hauled ouselves around in The Bucket...

Why did we call it "The Bucket"? Another good question with a terrible answer... You see, in 1991 there was this rapper named Hi-C. He did a psuedo-cover of the old Bobby & Jimmy Purify song I'm Your Puppet but called it I'm NOT Your Puppet... In his version, he talks about a cheating girlfriend who takes drugs, does his best friend and then steals his car... His car which he called his Bucket... Make sense now?


Oh, all the memories... Including that damned steering wheel. You see, those little black circles are buttons for the horn and that middle grey piece is a big hunk of rock hard plastic. Because, and I know you all agree with me, when I'm mad as all hell, I press buttons. Oh yes, there was one day my senior year where I almost broke my hand while taking my friends home from school because I punched the steering wheel, instinctively, right in that middle section like any good red-blooded American with a serious case of road rage would...

Ah, the good ole days...

Skip forward a few years to when I worked at my old Job. Now, Troy of The Crowz Nest made mention of how I fired a girl for playing hookie back when I was a manager. I feel the need to fill in a few gaps. First off, I had been intimate with this girl but it was a flingy kind of thing, because, hey... You know... She WAS seeing someone at the time... And that someone? Well, the week after she and I had spent the night together, I baked a birthday cake for him at her request. Nothing says "thanks" like a homemade cake. But then she thought she was smarter than me and tried calling off sick on a day I told her she could not have off. So I called her boyfriend's apartment, and for the love of all that is holy, who do you think answers the phone? Yeah, she did. With a big grin on my face and a lot of pep in my voice I said: Hey! You're just the Person I wanted to talk to... YOUR FIRED! and then slammed down the phone. I can be a jerk when put into a position of authority.


(sigh) Ah, those were the good times...

I'm feeling much better today. I drank a lot of tea last night and took NyQuil before I went to bed. I slept like a rock and was full of energy today. Today was really good day at work too, I baked the infamous Mayo Cake (Which I absolutely adore...) and helped Linda with the lunch special which was Roast Beef Manhattan Sandwiches. I made the mashed potatoes and -damn- they were good. Fluffy, you know?

When I got home, I took a nap and then remastered Barret Strong's original version of "Money (That's What I want)". I pulled it staight off of vinyl and tweeked it real nice like...

I just got back from GFT though, and low and behold, who do I see? Yes, The Panera Girl... Again, she commented on my sweater. Apparently I always look so "comfy" that she feels the need to tell me this. Like a dumbass, my heart was racing and we had a quick moment of smiles and dialogue. And in the background they were just playing the Beastie Boys album "Check Your Head". My head is spinning and I'm still a little tired, so I shall go now.

"I ain't good lookin' but you know I ain't shy, I ain't afraid to look at girls..."
- Bob Seger
"She took my keys and stole my Bucket..."
- Hi-C
"You must be thinking of my one-man show about Vincent Van Spock... I MEAN VAN GOGH!!!"
- Leonard Nimoy, from Futurama

I'd have to say it was a good day...
- Ice Cube

Joyce from Pragmatic Dreamer asked for "Happy pills" today. Unfortunatly, I'm fresh out of Darvaset, Percaset, Cutty Sark and I'm not giving up my DVD of "Mr Show". Instead I submit these 5, non-habit forming, songs for making a dark day brighter.

1.) Thicke - When I get you alone
2.) Link Wray and His Ray Men - Rumble
3.) Soup Dragons - Divine Thing
4.) Johnny Cash - Memories are made of this
5.) George Harrison - What is Life

Now, some of these songs might seem provocative, but that's not the intention. This is just some good funky music that can get you dancing, or playing the drums on the table with spoons, or just plain make you smile. Like Thicke? C'mon. It's Allen Thicke's son doing a cover\improv over Walter Murphy's A 5'th of Beethoven. That in itself is funny...


Okay, I need to go back to bed. I thought my misery was all just allergies, but I've started coughing and I've developed a slight fever. I'll write more later... And, Troy? What was the song you used to do the "woo-hoo's" in my car (The Bucket) from? Was it "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Stones, or was it "Take the Money and Run" by Steve Miller?

Yeah, I left with nothing, nothing but the thought of you... I went wandering...
- U2 & Johnny Cash

My life seems to be teetering on the edge of complete instanity. Like standing on your porch on a really sunny day, but seeing a dark nasty-assed storm brewing off in the distance. Will it hit? Will this be the last day you ever walk the earth? Should you have told someone you loved them?

The cold weather has a lot to do with this nappy feeling. My body aches a little and my allergies are acting up. That always gets me irritable, but then there are 2 or 3 huge things which I'm trying really hard to keep myself together on, and a million little things poking me continually, breaking down every ounce of strength I have - like Jeb being gone or seeing my ex, Heather, walking down the street with chopped-dyed pink-hair and a ghetto booty. There are even more ridiculously small things which pick at the back of my brain like seeing the Panera girl or being taken off of someones Buddylist or having your link taken out of their blog? Does any of this make sense?

And those are all the little stupid things. The big things are the things I'm not letting take me apart. Spiritual crises (Not, that was not a misspelling. Seriously, I'm at that stage where I have to use plurals...), emotional defeat, and Kobe Bryant.

Today at the Grill, Triscia came in with her baby. Three weeks old and utterly adorable. Most of you know I hate kids, but I saw this one and was in awe. Kind of like when John Cusack looks at that baby in the movie Grosse Point Blanke... Just a blank stare and a sudden realization that my life is kind of insignificant on a much greater level. I need to butch-up and start providing happiness for those around me and stop whining about my own life.

Leslie IM'd me too. That made me happy cuz I thought she was mad at me. Like, I seriously thought I had done something and she was never going to talk to me ever again.

Last night, I hung out with Baxter and realized there are a lot of things in life that I love to do but never get the chance...

Playing Chess.
Talking about music.
Cooking food. (I really want to make Mustard and Herb crusted filets soon...)
Working with HTML.
Playing Othello.
Watching TV in a group.
Grocery Shopping with friends.
Reading books like "The Sun Also Rises" and "With Nail & I".


IM me and tell me something. Anything...